The Tasty Freeze

Every so often, I go on a tangent about foods that really gross me out. Apparently people sincerely disagree with my vehemently particular opinions on Blue M&Ms and broccolini, but fortunately for me, their opinion doesn't change the fact that I think they are inedible to say the least.

So tonight, I just want to add to the list of tasty treats that I find not so tasty.

Angel hair pasta is disgusting.

At what point did someone think it would be a good idea to call it that? In no other culinary circumstances, would you want to talk about anything you are putting in your mouth and have the word 'hair' in the same phrase. It taste like the tail end of leftover spaghetti. The only thing worse than angel hair pasta is angel hair pasta with sundried tomatoes. Yuck.

Jalapeno Bagels.

Why? For some reason, when you put jalapenos--and sundried tomatoes for that matter--in a bagel, it dries them out completely. The bagels taste like week old stale bread with questionable spots of mold. Just stop making them. There is a reason they are always sitting there behind the glass at the end of the day. No one wants them. Not now. Not ever. It wasn't a good idea then and it won't be years from now.

Coconut Water.

It is a lighter form of mouthwash and it tastes as if someone concocted it with one part EQUAL, one part coconut juice, and one part water from a dirty Brita filter. No. Not good.

Chocolate Covered Gummy Bears.

Not everything needs to be covered in chocolate. It doesn't solve every problem and in fact, I would go so far as to say that in this case, it makes it worse. Gelatin has a very specific fan base and trying to intrigue that fan base with some sundae-fondue-esque version of an already very pedestrian candy is just pathetic.

Root Beer Float.

I don't want white stuff floating around in my soda. It's as simple as that. It reminds me of a chunky cold version of hot chocolate with marshmallows but the reason this is worse is you have the death of the carbonation working against you. Time is a ticking. No bubbles and melting ice cream. It's like the ultimate hour glass of beverage--and it doesn't even taste good enough to drink that fast. For crying out loud, the only thing worse than a root beer float is a flat root beer float.

Just writing this list makes my skin crawl.

There.

I'm done. Now you can all tell me that I'm wrong--as I often am.*

*But not in this case.