Once, Twice

Sometimes I wished the road was a bit less muddy,

less that way,
and more succinct,
not that I was looking for short cuts,
but that I wanted to feel like someone, somewhere,
was smiling back at me the way I smiled always,

or most days,
yes, most days,

and I wanted once for the happiness to last a bit longer,
and I wanted twice for it to stay,
just for a bit longer,

and I wanted the other one to say the same thing,
at the same time,
on the same side of my face,
or his,

and I wanted once for it to feel differently than any of this,

but once was then,
and again,
and again,

it wasn't anything really,
not in between,
not elsewhere,

not anywhere really,
and the wheel had a triangle,
the wheel always had someone else's fucking triangle,

it just did