Monday, January 27, 2020

Tree Line

Not even four weeks,

not even,
and I feel like the wet rag on the laundry line,

I'm mad,

I'm tired and I'm mad,

and I'm both,

but they were just kids

Sunday, January 26, 2020

8 | 24

My heart was broken,
like everyone else’s
so I wasn’t special,
and this wasn’t about me,

but it is about fear,
and about things C.S. Lewis had warned us of,

and it is about grief,
and pain,
and inexplicable silence,

it is about being sedentary in our sadness,

and it is okay not to move,

or at least it seems that way now,
but someday it won’t,
and someday,
we’ll talk about angel wings,
and fog,
and God,

and we’ll talk in hypotheticals,
to numb the pain,
and the truth that in the end,

more could have been done,

more could have,
should have,
been done—

Saturday, January 25, 2020

Lapse

I did too much too fast,
and not enough,
and my eyelids shut before I had gotten the job done,
from time to time,

but not forever,

not for



ever—

Friday, January 24, 2020

So, That

Silence was good,
it felt better than saying things I would regret later,
or at least I think it does,
did,
you know what I mean,

and my brain would be the end of me,
not because it has swelled,
or because it is broken,

but because it is


what it is,

and we --
I,
I am not built with zippers

Thursday, January 23, 2020

Booked

I needed to be left alone,
in the bright airy space that I thought I deserved,
but that was better earned,
yes earned—

with white hydrangeas,
and things that I made for myself—

Wednesday, January 22, 2020

Cartogs

My foundry was better,



better than yours—

and even now,
I was thinking about rewriting—

retyping it—

Tuesday, January 21, 2020

The Clipper

I thought we could forgive each other,
for so much disappointment,
I really,
really did,
but I couldn't,

I couldn't,
because I was petty,

not that kind of petty,
but the kind that was okay,
the kind that got forgiven,
but only on your deathbed,
on mine,
my deathbed,

I wasn't who I thought I was,
except for that I have always wanted,
wanted so very badly,






to be better

Monday, January 20, 2020

Goodup

This isn't good,

it isn't good,

you know it,
and I just wanted to keep going,
to keep being bigger and stronger than any of this,

any of the times I said I wouldn't be,
which was a lot,

and I couldn't stay down there any more,
not alone,
not with those thoughts,

they no longer belonged to me,

not now,
not again

Sunday, January 19, 2020

Puppet

You know I had strings,
strings that could have,
would have become less involved,
less presumptuous.

Less A lot —

Saturday, January 18, 2020

You Two, You Too

You know I didn't want to be here,

you knew it then,
and you asked me anyway,
and I don't think you did it because you didn't care about me,

but because you cared more about it,
about then,
about something none of us could undo,
or make better,
or change,
or recapture,

you did it because you had to,
for you,

and I understood that,
I just needed to be over here,
well over,
over,
over here

Friday, January 17, 2020

Fingernail and Then

What was it,
if no one knew,
if you went under the radar,
if you did bad,
but for good,

and I think I wanted to be better,
to live a better life,

better than this,
anyway—

Thursday, January 16, 2020

Circumspect

It was a hot mess in there,
out there,
in the yard,
and I couldn’t believe no one believed me,

and I couldn’t believe no one came back,

this was open and shut,

so why was it still open,
this way—