Wednesday, September 20, 2017

Pressing Matter

We had a button,
ready to be pressed,
ready for us to mean something

to someone

Tuesday, September 19, 2017


If I told you I wanted to sabotage my happiness,
I think you would let me,
I really do,
not because you were bad,
not because you were malicious,
or selfish,
or thoughtless,

it's just that you loved yourself more than you loved me,
or anything for that matter,

and I'll tell you this much,
I was fucking jealous,

actually jealous

Monday, September 18, 2017

The Fatalist

You were confusing,

and for the first time,
in a long time,

I gave up,

because I knew it was good for me to do just that---

Sunday, September 17, 2017


That will begin,

that it will,
because enough was
is enough


I needed you to take the branches out of my head,
they were sticky,
and things were getting tangled in here,

and I should have dealt with this a long time ago,
but I didn't,
and my synapses were suffering for it,
it felt like gum,
and scallops,
and calamari,

so I had to close the hatch,
with or without stitches,
until we rotted out

Saturday, September 16, 2017


Things in here felt different,
but not necessarily bad,
or off,
just different enough for me to do nothing,
but recognize it all the same,

to think that awareness is the same thing as getting down to it,
when it isn't,
not at all---

Friday, September 15, 2017


We are not who I thought we were,
and that night was not what it meant then,
and today is not what it will feel like tomorrow,
and someday,
someone will say this was melodramatic,
and they will be right,
but that day is not today,
and today is not tomorrow,

not now,
not ever---

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

The Cavity

My jaw was rotten,

every side of it,
and it should have been from all the secrets I was keeping,
and the candy I was eating,

but it was because at my roots,
the beginning of the end was getting to me,

and I needed your help with the pliers,

I just didn't want to tell you,
or ask you for anything else

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

2001, 102

It's the same every year,
But we remember it differently,
but I promised to keep it in my periphery,
and I hoped that objects in my rear view mirror were closer and wiser than I---

No one remembered the earthquake,
but I did recall 5:29am and the questioning,
and the sense of relief that last led for 15 minutes,

I didn't care about buyer's remorse,

I remembered the earthquake,
and Tuesday made me want it back
not because I was a loner,
but because the driveway was steep and he can hijack love---

Sunday, September 10, 2017

Rinse and Repeat

I found me a penny wise,

but struggled for pound foolish,
but struggled for pound foolish,
but struggled for pound foolish,

until next time---

Saturday, September 9, 2017


I didn't have to explain anything to you. I kept asking questions of everyone else and not of myself.  And nothing about that was appropriate, or kind.  Least of all, to me.

And there was not enough for me to tell you I loved you, though I know I did.  Not because I had evidence, but because I felt like I didn't need proof.

If that makes sense, which it probably doesn't.

And won't.

Because I can't bring myself to bring it up.

Definitely not to you.

I CANNOT do this