That

I know,
and I know I did this to myself,
and I stayed in bed a lot,
and thought about that,

that I put these limitations on what I could live to regret,
and I got used to apologizing for things that I did not do,

and that was all very sad,
all of it,
but not sad enough for me to stop doing it,
for me to keep putting my feet in the ground there,

and I could not figure out why I wanted to be in here,
away from everything,
and everyone,

and why it felt better than it did yesterday,
and the day before,
and the year before---