I missed you a lot,
so much sometimes that my eyes were wet in ways I was not familiar with,
in ways that I wanted to reach out my hand and pull you back from where you went,
you did not belong there,
even if it was on higher ground,
and all I needed from you was a nod,
not even your voice,
just the hold of Ave Maria,
and the way you held me when I was a baby,
and the way you shielded me from pain once,
twice,
in December,
I knew it would eat your nerves alive,
it ate mine alive and I wasn't you,
but I loved you so very, very much,
my tongue hit the roof of my mouth,
and my throat moved up an inch,
and my heart was just underneath there,
just boiling under the surface,
and all I ever wanted was for you to be proud,
and to miss me that much,
as much as I missed you
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