Wednesday, February 6, 2013

My Grief Observed, Circa February 2008

I felt small in your presence,
secondary even,

but in your absence,
there was a numbness gnawing in the back of my skull

etching away at every effort I made to relieve myself of guilt,
exile I knew I did not wholly deserve,

You were a wondrous man,
if only then I knew the questions of a thirty year old woman,
if only then did I rack my insides for hindsight,

but hindsight is a finicky thing,
it only works when it can no longer be put to good use,

And every coin purse reminded me of hard work I needed to do,
and every modern magazine mugged me of my purpose,

There was a listlessness brewing here,
and it had been boiling under my surface before you left,

if only I could lie beside you,
and tell you how much I loved you,

how I would love you for all the days of my life,
well into the ground,

where I suspect they will try and diffuse everything we had,
with different surnames on different slabs,

though I am too smart for that,
always have been

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