The Table Tide

People say things they do not mean,
and years later,
down the line,
they recall their mistakes with the clarity they would have once killed for,

At a kitchen table that did not belong to me,
I started noticing my flaws,
the way we do from time to time because it feels good to do that,
to have problems,
things that need to be amended,

There was a bottle of scotch that I kept staring at,
mostly because I did not know how to drink it like an adult,

it was a foreign concept to me,
maybe my happiness had been a mistake,
or I had mistaken contentment for that clarity,

but it was not clear,
not then,
not ever,

So until I could muster the courage for a drink,
I wondered at what age I would outgrow my doubts