The Narcissism Behind a Nostalgist

I needed to hear the kind of music that sounded like it was made with a gramophone, the kind that made me feel old and young at the same time maybe because it was from a time period I never belonged to,

or maybe because that was its intention from the get go,

I needed a man who treated me badly so I would have something to drunkenly call upon when they tell me I am all but washed up, 
even though that expression never made sense to me,supposing that someone was clean or maybe worthless,

but I did not believe in double entendres,
never did, 
they had the worst of intentions,
and that was a little too similar to me for my liking 

I needed things to be taken away from me,
that way I would write with the less is more sentiment, 

and I needed people to stop chattering in my ears,
berating me for bleeding nostalgia from the great within,

it is what it is,
or was,

and I just needed my pen,
goddamnit,

just soak me in the ink and a little bathtub gin,
and I promise,
I will give you everything you want,
tell you everything they want you to know---