The Corollary Drip of a White (ish) Lie

Women that claim they don't pee in the shower are liars. In fact, they are likely the same women that claim to never pass gas or to never discuss a bowel movement with another human being. What you should know about women like this is they will tell you untruths and they will tell them often.

If a woman, when asked, does not admit to these seemingly benign fallacies to the feminine mystique, run--and run fast. One day, she will lie to you about something much grander than this. She'll tell you that it was alright that you got her the food processor that she had always wanted for her 32nd birthday gift.

She will tell you she doesn't mind looking at the skidmarks on your underwear when she does your laundry. Worse yet, she will tell you that she likes doing your laundry and she will feign some semblance being territorial when, in fact, she would rather do anything but your laundry.

This same woman will tell you that she is attracted to you, that you haven't gained that much weight since you met, and then she will spend the next several minutes praising the perfection of a celebrity member of the opposite sex.

Many, many years from now, when you are sick and you have one foot in the grave, she will not ask you what you want in the paper--or on your epitaph--or what photograph you would like displayed in your absence. She will talk of you fondly, but with profound misunderstanding. She will make your legacy a sloppily stitched tapestry of everything she secretly despised.

And somewhere, up there, you won't see much through the clouds. But you will surely see the white.

And then---the light.