The Tumbling

After that night, I kept looking for reasons to tell myself that I wasn't ready to get on with the rest of my life. And up until then, I thought I had a pretty convincing argument. But after the rain stopped and the smell of unfinished sex was mixed in with the mildew, I found it all so intoxicating. I sat out there on the dock, pushing my palms further into the wood, hoping to get a splinter that you would have to remove.

I let my legs dangle down until my toes were just above the water and I stared out at the lightning in the distance. I had been so used to the scathing nature of what it could do--but tonight, it was underscoring this whole mess--reminding me that I was in need of some electricity. I unbuttoned each of the twelve buttons down the front of my dress and then I slipped myself right out of it. I took my fingers and I played scales on my eyelashes until I realized how pedestrian unrequited love actually was.

So I turned myself over and I did somersaults in my corset--up and down the dock--back and forth--until I found myself at the edge of each and every plank with a decision to make.

We were incapable of being friends, you and me. It had been seven months since I smiled and as it happened, that was the last time I had seen you. But I didn't want that anymore. I only wanted the faculty to do that for myself. And not because I wanted you to love me for it, but just because I wanted it.

After a serrated piece of wood struck me down mid-routine, my index finger was bleeding heavily and I had no desire to patch it up. It was then that I looked up to see you standing there, at the edge of the grass, struggling to cross the line and walk the plank like Moonlight Graham. And I was tired of waiting.

I wanted nothing more than to break your heart---

without even trying.