At the end of the dirt road, I stood in a shallow grave thinking about all the things I should've said to you. Hindsight isn't 20/20 after all, but it sure is a lot more painful than I ever imagined it to be. I was just thinking that if they could give you an injection when you're younger--a serum of sorts--to make you feel regret, to make you really soak it all up, then maybe we'd all make fewer mistakes.
Maybe I'd stop digging bigger holes and start trailblazing. But then again, I wouldn't know where to lead us. I just thought that if I went to church and righted all the wrongs that that would have made all the difference. But it wasn't the road less traveled by, after all. Sundays were overcrowded with people musing about their own mistakes and I was naive to think that my troubles were anything but pedestrian.
I was full of broken hallelujahs and hail marys that I couldn't follow through on. Unfinished promises with lingering consequences were beginning to circle the wagons. And my more adept contemporaries had left me in the dust. Had it not been for their uncompromising belief in the idea of me coming out on the other side of tomorrow, they would have been gone long ago.
And so it was here, in the rain, that I wept for the first time with no one around to tell me goodnight.
Tonight, I'm back here in my apt. Dropped Robbie off at the airport. Nobody's home tonight. I've gotten used to whispering "good night" into someone's ear these last five nights... and now... silence. Well... except for Rock, but he just squeaks. ::sigh::... goodnight Ms. Becker :x.
ReplyDeleteCome in out of the rain , dry off and we will all wish you a communal Good Night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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